Body Language

Introduction

                Body language is a mode of communication that we all use daily. Much of what we communicate using body language is subconscious. We do not realize that we are communicating it, and we do not always realize where our subconscious feelings about others come from. However, learning what to look for in the body language of others, and learning how to control our own, can be a valuable skill. For this paper, I watched all the YouTube videos I could find, read a variety of articles, and absorbed all the information I could. The paper includes a special emphasis near the end on the effects of color, and what it can say about a person – this falls under the more general category of non-verbal communication, but is included here none-the-less.

                Before I begin, I want to remind you, dear reader, that body language is not an exact science. Really, every statement that I make in this paper should probably be qualified with a “may mean” or “perhaps” or the like. There are multiple possibilities for almost every sign given. As one article stated, you are better at the body language of your friends than any body language expert could ever be. Knowing someone and their habits is the best way to read them. However, these signs can occasionally be indicators…and it is for those occasions that this paper is written.

                Why trust body language? For one thing, it is harder than words to control. Words are easy to manipulate. It is simple to say what you want others to believe. It is far more difficult to control your body language. This applies most particularly to micro-expressions, which we shall learn more about shortly. People also show things called “tells.” Tells are any subconscious action or expression that gives away real feelings. Women have more tells than men, because they are more emotional and because they speak more with their hands. Therefore body language is generally more difficult for women to control.

                It is important to be aware of your body language. If you aren’t, you may end up sending the wrong message. Where are you putting your hands? Are they distracting the person you’re talking to? This is especially important to realize in a business situation.

Face

                Let us begin with the face, one of the most up-front presenters of body language. Micro-expressions and normal expressions give away many things about the person they belong to. A lot of body language and what we deduce from it comes from the face.

Micro-expressions are so small that they are always difficult, and often impossible, to spot in a normal conversation. They can be seen occasionally in paused videos. These give away the true feelings of the person who makes them. Micro-expressions only linger for 1/15^th or even 1/25^th of a second.

Micro-expressions are easier to spot if you know what you are looking for, since the person you are in contact with will not be able to hide them entirely. Emotions are strong, and your emotional brain will process before your rational brain. Hence, there are micro-expressions. A miniscule raising of the lip portrays contempt or superiority. Wrinkles around the nose convey disgust.

                There are seven universal face expressions, all of which can be seen in both micro-expressions and normal expressions. They are fear, disgust, contempt, happiness, anger, sadness, and surprise. One reason that micro-expressions are so hard to see is that they are often hidden emotions – but why are they hidden? There are two primary possibilities. Either they are hidden on purpose and another emotion displayed (deliberate concealment), or they are not even known to the person who subconsciously displays them (unconscious concealment).

If the lips and/or chin are quivering, it is quite definitely a sign of nervousness or tension. This can also be signified by a furrowed forehead or squinted eyes.

                Another common emotion that can be easily spotted is disagreement or disgust with someone or something. One of the most common tells for this emotion is an eyelid flutter, especially when someone says something with which we disagree. Pursed lips are another sign – one that can be seen even in babies who are as young as four weeks old! Pulling up just one side of the lips and nose can show the same thing. Squinting eyes are also occasionally an indicator, but not as definitely – they can convey many things.

Your gaze is an important part of the impression you give. Socially confident people, who are often extroverts, are usually good at holding eye-contact. This can also be a way to show dominance. People who are shy are less likely to hold eye-contact. Sometimes, you can spot a liar when they maintain eye-contact for too long – this is over-compensation since they feel guilty. Trying too hard can ruin their front.

A real smile can be identified by looking to see how the wrinkles around the eye behave. It is difficult, if not impossible, to force these to wrinkle for a fake smile. The eye-cover fold should also drop to the inside of the eye in a manner that is impracticable to duplicate. Note that these characteristics are not true in all people – picking out a fake smile on someone will become easier according to how well you know them. Watch the eyes – they give away the truth. When a person holds their lips tight, it conveys disapproval and disagreement with what is being said. When the lips are also bitten, it is often a sign of lying.

Deception can sometimes go hand in hand with smiling. Smiling usually seems confident and relaxed, while liars are associated with anxiety. So a fake smile is supposed to cover that anxiety, and appear confident and at ease. Smiling is a handy way of hiding most emotions.

What are some of the signs of deception? The average reader will be familiar with many of them. Various gestures or changes in composure can signify deception. A faster rate of blinking can do the same, as can a notable loss of calm. Minor changes in movement can have significance, and so can a variance in voice pitch. If several of these things, especially three or more, happen at the same time, it is likely that some deception is being played. However, if there is only one sign, it can quite possibly be merely coincidental. Be careful as you watch body language, especially if you are looking for deception – conclusions are easy to jump to and not always correct.

When you meet someone, your brain instantly places them in one of four categories: enemy; friend; sexual partner; or indifferent. Most people go into indifferent, but occasionally someone will immediately enter one of the other sections. Other people are also making these instant deductions about you, so it is important to come across as a friend from the beginning. Face expression is a huge part of that. The most important way to come across as a friend is to smile. But watch that smile – if it’s fake and too toothy, it can scare people away. Instead, allow your smile to build over a space of about three seconds, and sustain it for the same amount of time – but this can vary by situation. However, a natural smile is always best. In addition, lifting your eyebrows slightly can also convey friendliness and interest.

It is possible that when someone lowers their head and stares at the floor while speaking to you, they are hiding something. It could also be that they are deep in thought. Lowering the head can communicate shyness, and in some cultures, respect. Staring at the ground could show that someone is upset, and it is also an easy way to hide emotions that tend to pour from the eyes. As has been stated, the eyes tell the truth.

                Some gestures are done to relieve stress. For example, a constant touching of the nose or eyelid can be one sign. Stress relief can also be shown by various nervous twitches and other repetitive movements that may become natural habits after a while. Uncontrollable blinking or facial twitching can also signify stress relief.

Some face things are stereotypes. Somewhere in history, they have been true and possibly still are sometimes in modern day. Movie directors use these associations, further cementing them into our brains as stereotypes. For example, people with big noses can be seen as untrustworthy. Those with thin lips may be insincere. However, since these are natural physical features, they cannot be strongly trusted in body language.

Core of the Body

                If you are in a situation where you need to come across as confident, there are several things you can do. Always stand straight. Rounded shoulders and crossed arms do not communicate energy or confidence, and those characteristics are important, especially in a situation like a job interview. Your core is vital. Slouching always sends a bad impression.

                It is important, especially for women, to be more assertive than they sometimes are naturally, especially when in a business meeting. This can be accomplished by leaning in, maintaining eye contact, keeping the shoulders back and not rounded, and generally portraying confidence. Sometimes it can also help to occupy more space, rather than curling into a tight area as is easy to do naturally. Using your upper body conveys a sense of energy, and can make you seem more in control and in charge.

Your core is extremely important, whether or not you are trying to convey something specific with your body language. If, while seated, you are leaning back, it can come across as lazy or arrogant. But if you are leaning too far forward, it can be aggressive. This really depends on the situation – more often, leaning forward shows that you are interested and listening to what is being said. It can also show a positive and friendly attitude, as well as comfort with the speaker.

We have already discussed shoulders at some length. However, it is extremely important to remember that putting the shoulders too far back may be a show of confidence that comes naturally – or it may be an overcompensation for a lack of confidence. Having rounded shoulders is a likely sign of low confidence and self-esteem, and it is absolutely terrible posture. Consider how in the army even at the “at-ease” pose has the hands behind the back. This is because when your hands are in front of you, it tends to round your shoulders automatically, whereas this is nearly impossible to do with your hands behind you.

Hands & Arms

                The first four minutes of meeting someone are the minutes when you make your overall decision about them. Will you like them? Will you get along? Eighty percent of your opinion about them, and their opinion about you, is formed within those first minutes. And a big part of that is formed from the handshake. In fact, there are more connections between the brain and the palm than the brain and any other part of the body.

Your handshake clearly says a lot about you. In general, shaking more than three times is awkward. A good handshake is “web-to-web” – have the web between your thumb and pointer finger firmly clasped with that of the other person. Women, never extend merely your fingertips unless you are royalty and expect them to be kissed. Since my readers are not royalty, the fingertips should never be given in place of a handshake. The handshake should have your hands parallel. If either of you has the literal upper hand, it can be a very dominant move. A handshake will probably inspire one of three gut feelings. If their hand is on top of yours, you will likely feel dominated. If your hand is on top of theirs, you will feel strong and superior. And if your hands are parallel to each other, as is optimal, you will be equals. So when shaking hands, keep the pressure even and your hand straight.

On a side note, you can see this dominant handshake in a variety of political situations between world leaders. Occasionally, you can see a fight going on for who has the literal upper hand. If a picture is being taken, both people will want their right arm to be facing the camera, as it automatically gives the upper hand in the picture.

The hands should mirror each other in a normal handshake, avoiding dominance from either person. However, if someone does attempt to give you a dominant handshake, there are several ways to counter it. When you are shaking hands, and they are dominating, you can take a step forward and place a hand on their shoulder or arm, or directly on top of their dominant hand. Any of these moves will instantly change the situation, placing you in the more domineering and controlling position. Consider – what does your handshake say about you?

Studies on 2-4 year old children produced interesting facts about what we automatically do with our hands and arms in certain situations. For example, the children were placed in an environment they were familiar with – a doctor’s office. The children would be comfortable at first, but when the doctor arrived, they tended to go into a defensive stance, protecting their bodies by crossing their ankles and their arms. This is natural protective behavior, and not something we are taught.

In a way, the women of our culture are taught to use gentler and less decisive body language. Often they will only talk from the elbows down when they are in a business situation. However, this portrays an image that is very different from what they need to communicate. Compare that to the way men conduct themselves in the same business environment. They talk big, moving freely. Many women use apologetic body language when in a business environment, which is not conducive to their image there. This apologetic body language can be shown when their thumbs are by the seams of their pants or skirt; or they may carry their hands in front of them and round their shoulders.

                When in a meeting, where should you place your arms and hands? This question can be difficult. Do not allow your hands to be touching your face or preening your hair. The best place for them is on the arms of your chair. If your chair doesn’t have arms, crossing or folding your hands on the table can also be good.

Women in the workplace have a number of things to be careful of, so if you are a man reading this paper, these pointers are not for you. Women, do not allow yourselves to relapse into a limp handshake. Keep it firm. In general, hugs in business are not appropriate. It is easy to stop someone who is coming in for a hug with a hand outstretched as is for a handshake. Be firm about this. Hugs are not part of the professional world, unless there is a unique and special relationship.

A natural movement of expansion is displayed by humans when they feel power, pride, or have a physical achievement. Consider the actions of a football player who has just scored. Probably his arms are high in the air and far apart, and his chin slightly lifted. This is true of almost anyone in athletics who has just done something wonderfully right. Assuming a position like this can equip you with more powerful feelings. For example, according to one source, if you are nervous before an interview or similar situation, take a quick bathroom trip and stand for a few minutes with your arms wide apart, taking up as much space as you can. Doing this for two minutes will give you more confidence than sitting tightly in a chair. Just pretending to be more powerful can make you feel more powerful.

If you are directing a large group of people, your body language can make them more or less willing to comply. For example, if your palms are up as you gesture, they will be more willing to move and will see moving as more fun. If you point decisively, and have your palm sideways, you are insulting their intelligence and come across as bossy. And if your palms are down, it can inspire defiance and dislike for you. Having the palms down conveys power – consider, for example, Hitler’s salute. If all the people had done the same salute but with their palms facing up, it would have been far less menacing and powerful.

If your hands are doing a lot of chopping and pointing, the people to whom you are speaking are less likely to comply. Your hands will communicate as aggressive. One source that I referenced said that steepling your fingers or talking with your palms facing up should be avoided, as it can be seen as showing weakness or begging. This may be true in an interview atmosphere. More often, tapping your fingertips will be a power move and show authority, and talking with your palms up will communicate openness. However, as you should know by this point, most moves can be interpreted in a variety of ways depending on the situation.

Placing your fingertips together can inspire confidence. This is another “secret” power move. Even if you don’t feel confidence, tapping your fingertips can boost your feelings, while conveying poise to those with whom you are dealing.

One way to show friendship is to display your open, empty hands. This communicates a lack of weapons at an instinctual level. When your hands are extended, they aren’t protecting your belly. This conveys truth, honesty, and vulnerability – all good first impressions.

Arms crossed is often cited as a move that is aggressive. This is can be true on occasion, but as often as not, it is used as a comfortable way to sit or stand. It comes very naturally to some people. However, if the person with crossed arms is also standing with their legs shoulder-width or more apart, it is probably meant to convey toughness and authority, along with aggressiveness. This may be sub-conscious.

Touching the neck conveys protective or nervous feelings. It shows insecurity. It is also a very low-power gesture. If you are working to be confident, avoid touching your neck.

Placing the arms behind the head or neck can communicate ease and rest. However, when the hands are nervously touching the neck, it shows an awkwardness with the situation. This is called self-touch. It is especially noticeable if someone touches the back of their arms, the side of their neck, their nose, or other body parts. Self-touch is a comforting gesture to most people, demonstrating that they are uncomfortable with the situation. According to one source, self-touch shows the levels of our “sympathetic nervous system’s flight-or-fight response.” So when emotions are strong, self-touch is usually present, reflecting that in some way.

Legs & Feet

                The feet and legs are often a clear indication of where a person’s attention is pointed. Usually, when people are standing, their feet will be angled towards whoever they are paying attention to, be it someone standing across from them or someone else. The same can be true when people are seated. Which direction do their knees point? Or their feet?

                What you do with your legs when in a business meeting is important. Crossed legs is actually physically unhealthy. If you are a woman and wearing a skirt above the knee, it can also be seen as provocative, which the last thing you want to convey in a business atmosphere. Instead, it is best to place your feet 3-4 inches apart on the ground. Be careful about crossing your ankles no matter what you’re wearing, as it can make your knees fly. Remember to always be conscious of your legs when you are seated.

                The position of a person’s feet while sitting at a round table, particularly in a cafeteria or similar circumstance, can tell about the part they will play in the conversation. Of course, as has been stated, this is not always true. However, my own observations did back up these statements. For example, if a person is sitting with their ankles crossed under the chair, they may be hesitant to join in the conversation. If their feet are wrapped around the legs of their chair, they are probably not very talkative, and may take a minor part if any in the conversation. The exception is when their feet are wrapped around the chair legs and the entire core is learning forward – it is then more likely that they are a vibrant part of whatever is being said. Often the leaders of the conversation, the people who start, end, and define it, are the people who have their legs crossed or stretched directly in front of them. They are generally quite engaged. But remember that the position of a person’s feet and legs is always affected by the shoes they are wearing, the bars on the table or chair, and other things.

Crossing the feet at the ankles can show that someone is at ease. In addition, increased foot movement can demonstrate that someone is lying, or becoming more uncomfortable with their surroundings. It can also show nervousness and/or anxiety.

Clothes & Color

                Certain attire can affect your body language and your productivity. For example, for women, the way they sit when wearing a tight skirt versus wearing dress pants will differ. Longer skirts are more comfortable and generally come across as more professional than something shorter. Certain modes of dress allow the wearer to lounge, rather than maintaining a proper posture. Jeans and a t-shirt make you sit very differently than a tailored suit or formal dress. Business attire has been shown to actually help productivity in the office.

                Suit color can make a difference in the world of business. Studies have shown that in the Midwest, the South, and most places in the United States, the most popular suit color for successful women is navy blue. The second most popular is charcoal gray, with third being either chocolate brown or black. However, the order of these colors changes when women in large cities such as New York City and San Francisco are surveyed – there, the most professional color is black, followed by navy blue, and then gray. Brown is not included. Merely wearing the right color of suit can help land a job or make the best impression on an important person.

When analyzing people by the colors they wear, or when deciding what colors to wear yourself, it is crucial to remember that this is swayed a great deal by skin tone and often by personal preference. Many people have colors that they never wear, simply because it would look horrible with their skin or hair. But sometimes, impressions can be made on a subconscious level by what color is worn. This can be handy knowledge to have if you wish to convey a specific message. In addition, a few things can occasionally be told by color in relation to personality and body language.

For example, extroverts tend to deviate towards brighter, saturated colors such as reds and oranges – these colors naturally attract attention. Introverts often go towards the opposite – blue or green. Sensation-seekers prefer red, while sensation-avoiders prefer blue. Intellectuals are said to deviate towards yellow, while well-balanced people go for green. It is, however, important to remember that this is not a perfect science.

Some of this, of course, is due to culture. Our cultural associations with colors make a huge difference concerning when they are worn. Consider for example, the social implications of wearing white at a wedding, black at a funeral, or in other cultures, red at a wedding. Each of these has a different meaning according to the culture.

Let us look more deeply into some of the things that color can naturally convey. Red is a power color and should be worn in moderation, as it can easily be too much. It often sends messages of strength and aggression. In women, it can communicate “flirt” and in men, the impression can be along the lines of “Mafia.” Neither is the impression a business person will wish to give, so use good taste when wearing it for an accent. Pink is a color that comes across as tranquil, warm, and loving. It is, however, a young color and can communicate “teen.” Yellow conveys optimism, creativity, and friendliness – but avoid mustard yellow, as it looks good on no one. Orange must be worn carefully, so as to avoid looking like a prison escapee – however, it can show a bold, fun, and warm personality.

Purple conveys quality, sophistication, and elegance. Again, it is important to avoid an abundance of purple for fear of looking like a teen girl, the same issue that pink can inspire. Blue is a calm color, showing intelligence and trustworthiness. It “breathes success.” Studies have shown that people who wear navy to a job interview are the most likely to get the job – it does make a difference. Blue comes across as friendly yet powerful and competent. Green also conveys calmness, along with peace and balance. A darker green can show class, power, and strength, while a lighter green conveys a sporty feel, casual and cheerful.

Black is an authoritative color, which is why it is so often used in men’s suits. It also shows intelligence – consider, for example, the robes of college graduates. And it is a somber color in our culture, used a great deal at funerals. Gray is a very neutral color that can show a lack of confidence and energy. Darker colors, such as black, are more powerful. Black, gray, and khaki are all conservative choices, and appropriate for the business atmosphere. Beige suits, especially on men, should be avoided. Beige can be drab and dull, and studies have shown that the results for men in beige suits are worse than for those in other moderate and neutral colors. It is more sporty and appropriate for golfers than men who are working in an office. It is important to be careful when wearing brown, as a brown item of clothing that does not fit well can give the classic impression of a potato bag or the like. However, brown clothes with the proper fit can be an excellent choice, especially if accented with a bright color. Brown is not as severe as black tends to be.

Extra Pointers

It is also important to be careful about what messages you send if you are a woman alone in an almost all-male meeting. Regular preening, such as messing with your hair, can be seen as provocative and unprofessional. Be aware of what signals you are sending, and be aware of what is appropriate.

                Remember that what you wear and how you sit can be interpreted differently, depending on the culture. This is especially important in business. If you are interacting with people of another culture, it is wise to learn a few of their most common body language signs, whether they are ones to avoid or ones to use in a positive manner.

Conclusion

                Body language, though not an exact science, has many interesting facets. Face expressions can convey a wide variety of emotions. The core is vital to portraying and feeling confidence. Hand and arm movement can be a distraction or a help as you speak. And watching the direction of a person’s feet will tell you where their attention is. Although it is rare that something can be discovered for one hundred percent sure, body language is often an indicator of someone’s true feelings.