(This
is the first post in an eight part series on the eight characteristics of the
MBTI. Find an introduction HERE, and use the tags at the end to find other
related posts.)
Introverts
and extroverts can be the easiest to see the differences between, but people
often make the mistake of thinking that anyone outgoing is an extrovert and
anyone quiet or awkward is an introvert. While these can be indicators, they
are not universally true. The actual sign of introversion or extroversion is
not the characteristics displayed by a person, but how they recharge. An
introvert recharges through time spent alone or interacting with only one or two
close friends. Group situations drain introverts; down-time, often alone, recharges
them again. Every introvert thinks this at least once: “I have reached maximum
people exposure level. Must go regulate.”
Introverts
comprise between 25% and 50% of the population.[1]
They are characterized by processing life internally, rather than externally.
They are often seen as people who reflect deeply on things. Introverts are the
ones who think before they speak or act. They process in their minds, rather
than by speaking. Often they feel that they best express themselves in writing.
This is no doubt a major part of why introverts are very comfortable with
spending time alone.
Their
knowledge tends to cover a few topics very deeply. Introverts are often more
oriented towards details than extroverts are. In general, they have fewer
interests but know a great deal about the things that have caught them. Introverts
often have mighty powers of concentration when the situation calls for it. This
means they often focus on only one thing at a time.
Introverts tend to
listen more than they talk, and when they do talk, they often speak more softly
and sometimes more slowly. Their conversation tends to be deeper and of more
consequence. Despite that, they are more hesitant and private about sharing
personal things. An introvert’s worst nightmare is often being stuck making
small talk – the very bane of their existence. They are typically reserved,
especially in public; generally, they seem more calm. Their energy is a more quiet
sort. Being reserved can make them appear bored – when actually, the inside of
an introvert’s mind is very rarely a boring place, and indeed, tends to be
quite busy.
They
absorb the world around them rather than extending to it; watching more than participating.
Introverts are often contained people, the quieter type. Intimate settings are
far better than large group situations. When they do find themselves in a group
situation, they often wait to be approached rather than reaching out.
Introverts are in constant need of their personal space, sometimes resenting
those who intrude into it. They are more unsure of themselves and therefore
more reserved in public. Even when in public, their attention is often directed
within themselves, considering their analyzations and thoughts about what is
going on around them. Their ideas and impressions about what is happening keep
them entertained. One comparison is that “introverts think like a heads up
display.”[2]
However, once an
introvert is comfortable in a group of people, they can come out of their shell
entirely and be the life of the party. Indeed, in the words of Susan Cain,
author of Quiet: “Introverts, in contrast, may have strong social skills
and enjoy parties and business meetings, but after a while wish they were home
in their pajamas. They prefer to devote their social energies to close friends,
colleagues, and family.”[3]
Introversion and
shyness are not the same thing and do not always come together. One source
defined it in the following way: “Shyness is a fear of social interactions that
has nothing to do with introversion. Introverts avoid socializing because it
drains their energy. Shy people avoid socializing out of fear. Both introverts
and extroverts can be shy.”[4]
Introverts can
come across as extroverts, and even deceive casual friends and occasionally
themselves into thinking they are such – but there is always the need for alone
time to fully recharge that gives them away. Yet they may seem completely
comfortable and confident in social situations. These are known as outgoing
introverts. People regularly mistake them for extroverts. Their energy depends
on their environment – close friends and good conversation can make them
enthusiastic, talkative, and animated. They’re not anti-social, but selectively
social.[5]
Introverts do like people – just not in excess.
Introverts may
appear to be depressed; mad; sad; bored; indifferent; in agreement; slow; or
plotting. While many of these may be true of the average introvert, remember
that they are not necessarily sad or mad because they are quiet. In reality,
they may be thinking; listening; daydreaming; recharging; observing; waiting
until you’re done to speak; and definitely plotting. Introverts can seem
unemotional or judgmental, but neither is universally true. An INFP has as many
emotions as an ENFP – they are merely less likely to express them in the same
way. And though introverts are quiet, they are not necessarily judging what is
going on around them and may be lost in another world entirely.
Twelve quick
pointers on how to care for an introvert: respect their need for privacy; never
embarrass them in public; let them observe first in new situations; give them
time to think and don’t demand instant answers; don’t interrupt them; give them
advance notice of expected changes in their lives; give them warnings so they
have time to finish whatever they’re concentrating on; reprimand them
privately; teach them new skills privately; enable them to find one best friend
who has similar interests and abilities; don’t push them to make lots of
friends; and respect their introversion.[6]
[1]
“15 Introvert Myths Infographic,” accessed July 9, 2015, www.introvertspring.com/15-introvert-myths-infograhic/.
[2]
Calise Sellers, “A Little Bit of Personality,” accessed July 9, 2015, www.alittlebitofpersonality.com.
[3] I
highly recommend the book “Quiet” by Susan Cain for any reader looking to learn
more about the world of introverts.
[4]
“15 Introvert Myths Infographic,” accessed July 9, 2015, www.introvertspring.com/15-introvert-myths-infograhic/.
[5]
More information on Out-Going Introverts can be found in the following article:
www.puckermob.com/lifestyle/8-signs-you-may-be-an-outgoing-introvert
[6]
Find the graphic (accessed July 9, 2015) from which these tips came here: http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-pYRBCQJwlEM/UAMc1qanCTI/AAAAAAAAA2A/kfyfJN8oBHE/s1600/Caring+for+your+introvert+and+extrovert.jpg
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